Hello my darlings, hope everyone has been doing well in this month of January, I know my first post was over one month ago, but I am new to this blogging life, so i am still finding my way around the site and managing my time;
The last couple weeks or so has been super hectic for me, I have just been up and out early, and back home late, eat sleep repeat really. It did not stop me from thinking of my next blog topic though, which is great, so I have been jotting down ideas, sentences and just words every chance I got. Today I am freelancing with my writing which works better for me as my thoughts come fast and furious.
I have been imagining myself (more so recently) reinvented, but I did not know what it meant. I had no idea what is was meant to look like either, but I kept getting visuals of me being a different version of myself, almost like I was kinda floaty and free, not sure I can even explain this properly, but, was it the new year new me nonsense? Which by the way, I do not partake in, or was it just a switch within me that went off??!! I did some googling of course (as we all do now, lol) and saw different ideas and steps to changing your behavior so that people can “view” you differently blah blah blah, and I was like, na because this wasn’t about other people it was about a yearning within me to become a different me, but, for me! I felt like I needed more pampering, to allow my soul to breathe, to inhale and exhale without interruption from my brain running at 90 miles per hour. I felt I wanted to be more glamorous(notice I said more as I have been told I am super glam), I wanted to wear more flowy clothing so I could twirl, I wanted my alter-ego to come out in full force, but who the hell is my alter ego and does she/he have a name? Please who am I fooling I know its gender and she is a badass ass kicker, hahaha I am laughing now because it seems almost crazy, but I am having so much fun.
Alright back to this alter ego thing, I was thinking maybe that is where this whole #beinglisalove came from, maybe my alter ego is writing this and playing tricks on me, making me think it’s Lisa and its not, whoa.. ok I am done with her for now until I know for sure, but I did have discussions with a couple friends about reinventing myself and what they thought, as I was thinking more along the lines of aesthetics, like maybe changing my hairstyle, or a wardrobe change, one of my dearest friends told me that I have already evolved over the years’ and that I should allow my moods to guide me. (apparently I am moody)I had reservations about this suggestion and analysis, but as the day progressed I realized it is what I have been doing all this time, being guided by my moods, which in a way is like my additional compass on top of my ‘woman’s intuition’, so how blessed am I to have two guiding mechanisms both working in sync.
It made me think back to when others have commented saying how brave I was for doing certain things which for me by the way felt natural and like no big deal, for example moving to London over 15 years’ ago with no family here that was just my mood and intuition at the time, oh wow I am having a eureka moment while I write these words, like right now, I need a moment or two please________ This is what it has been all this time, so my reinventing was happening all along just disguised as growth, success, happiness, being healthy and more! This is huge, it’s only taught me that there is no need for tangible reinvention because it’s like an application which runs in the background, we know it’s there doing the work, but we don’t see it. I like that, we should just be content with ourselves as we are indeed, don’t make the mistake and change for others as this won’t last, if you feel as if you want to make a change, first figure out why you feel that way, that should lead you to what benefits will you gain by making the change, and then see where it takes you, have fun, try not to be too strict with whatever process you use to get a solution, allow whatever you decide to be in alignment with who you really are, and believe me we know who we are, in those quiet moments we are on our own the thoughts we have with ourselves teaches us who that person is, alter ego or not. I feel like my soul is at ease now actually, and again I realized this was just a mood or as we say in the Caribbean, #issamood.
Do any of you feel as if you identified with this post? If so in what way? What has been your built in survival tool? Please leave a comment, any questions or, even words of encouragement if you would like to, I am waiting to hear from you, thank you.