Hello you beautiful humans, I hope we are all doing fantastically well.
I have not posted in over a month, due to illness and just low motivation, but I was still working in the background quietly, and as usual jotting down ideas and notes, until a topic arose and I went with it. I am in the process of setting up a work-space within my space, to help me be more inclined to create content more consistently, I ask that you my readers and followers bare with me while I find my footing! I thank you for all the comments and participation, and I hope this post reaches someone in the way it was intended. Thank you and read on…
I used to fight a lot, with people with myself, you are probably wondering how did she fight with herself?
Well I surely found a way.
I was in my late teens early to mid-twenties, I felt like all that I ever worked for had to be fought for, somehow that is what I learned, just don’t know from whom or from where!
Maybe because I am the last of my mother’s five children, so fighting for the attention and always getting it, or fighting to prove I was strong even though I was the youngest/smallest. I really do not know where it came from, and I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago.
I just accepted it as part of my personality.
As I moved into my thirties, I became more aware of what would trigger me to feel like I ‘needed’ to fight, fight for the love of my significant other, or fight for a job, now my fighting was not a physical display, it was more in my mind, or verbally expressed, with unacceptable language at times.
I probably appeared angry to many people back then, who knows; at the time I did not care or even seemed bothered, in my mind I was being real. But I could feel a battle within me and realised that I definitely had triggers, I now know when they were coming on, I learned I could have more control over my reactions to the things or people who seemed to set me off.
Why was I giving such external factors so much power over how I behaved or how I thought I should behave? As time went on and life happened my thoughts, behaviour and words changed, as we know change is inevitable, I did not know it was happening really until I found myself in familiar scenarios but my reactions were different, I was more calm and laughing at times at how silly people were, when they thought they were getting under my skin.
In conversation recently, I realised for the first time that having triggers is not always a negative thing, we can also have positively reinforced triggers, which give us a glimmer of light within a dim situation or a warm feeling deep down, when set alight.
I have decided to focus more on the positive triggers, still recognising the negative ones but replacing them with a different trail of thought and a different behaviour and outcome.
I am not totally clued up on all my triggers, some are unknown, just like that part of us that nobody ever knows about (learned this fact in psychology class many years’ ago)
I know when some are happening or even about to happen, I know what situations would place me in a trigger- type of mindset too, where I would feel the need to “fight” coming on, I now replace my thought process with more fun visuals and I have found this helps me eliminate the blow up that I know for sure can happen.
When it does happen though, its swift, loud (in my head) and blinded, I see black, not in a violent way but almost like I blank out all else from my mind and only see what I view as “the problem” which needs sorting out immediately.
However I react I see a flash of light, but my emotions deep within that swiftness are on fire, maybe I become the fire breathing dragon?? Who knows, but the good thing is I am now in control of me and this feels better than any triggering can possibly feel.
Guess what…? I was triggered today! 😊
Discussion: What are some of your triggers? Are they positive or negative? Describe how it makes you feel when you are triggered? Do you even know it is happening?
I would love to hear from you all so drop your comments below as usual, thank you for reading! Edited photo credit by @minasplanet check out her IG page