Posted in Individual Style

Trigger me trigger you trigger we

Hello you beautiful humans, I hope we are all doing fantastically well.

I have not posted in over a month, due to illness and just low motivation, but I was still working in the background quietly, and as usual jotting down ideas and notes, until a topic arose and I went with it. I am in the process of setting up a work-space within my space, to help me be more inclined to create content more consistently, I ask that you my readers and followers bare with me while I find my footing! I thank you for all the comments and participation, and I hope this post reaches someone in the way it was intended. Thank you and read on…

 

 

I used to fight a lot, with people with myself, you are probably wondering how did she fight with herself?

Well I surely found a way.

I was in my late teens early to mid-twenties, I felt like all that I ever worked for had to be fought for, somehow that is what I learned, just don’t know from whom or from where!

Maybe because I am the last of my mother’s five children, so fighting for the attention and always getting it, or fighting to prove I was strong even though I was the youngest/smallest. I really do not know where it came from, and I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago.

I just accepted it as part of my personality.

As I moved into my thirties, I became more aware of what would trigger me to feel like I ‘needed’ to fight, fight for the love of my significant other, or fight for a job, now my fighting was not a physical display, it was more in my mind, or verbally expressed, with unacceptable language at times.

I probably appeared angry to many people back then, who knows;  at the time I did not care or even seemed bothered, in my mind I was being real. But I could feel a battle within me and realised that I definitely had triggers, I now know when they were coming on, I learned I could have more control over my reactions to the things or people who seemed to set me off.

Why was I giving such external factors so much power over how I behaved or how I thought I should behave? As time went on and life happened my thoughts, behaviour and words changed, as we know change is inevitable, I did not know it was happening really until I found myself in familiar scenarios but my reactions were different, I was more calm and laughing at times at how silly people were, when they thought they were getting under my skin.

In conversation recently, I realised for the first time that having triggers is not always a negative thing, we can also have positively reinforced triggers, which give us a glimmer of light within a dim situation or a warm feeling deep down, when set alight.

Triggers
Trigger me trigger you trigger we

I have decided to focus more on the positive triggers, still recognising the negative ones but replacing them with a different trail of thought and a different behaviour and outcome.

I am not totally clued up on all my triggers, some are unknown, just like that part of us that nobody ever knows about (learned this fact in psychology class many years’ ago)

I know when some are happening or even about to happen, I know what situations would place me in a trigger- type of mindset too, where I would feel the need to “fight” coming on, I now replace my thought process with more fun visuals and I have found this helps me eliminate the blow up that I know for sure can happen.

When it does happen though, its swift, loud (in my head) and blinded, I see black, not in a violent way but almost like I blank out all else from my mind and only see what I view as “the problem” which needs sorting out immediately.

However I react I see a flash of light, but my emotions deep within that swiftness are on fire, maybe I become the fire breathing dragon?? Who knows, but the good thing is I am now in control of me and this feels better than any triggering can possibly feel.

Guess what…? I was triggered today! 😊

Discussion: What are some of your triggers? Are they positive or negative? Describe how it makes you feel when you are triggered? Do you even know it is happening?

I would love to hear from you all so drop your comments below as usual, thank you for reading! Edited photo credit by @minasplanet check out her IG page

Posted in Individual Style

Reinvention of a moody girl

Hello my darlings, hope everyone has been doing well in this month of January, I know my first post was over one month ago, but I am new to this blogging life, so i am still finding my way around the site and managing my time;

The last couple weeks or so has been super hectic for me, I have just been up and out early, and back home late, eat sleep repeat really. It did not stop me from thinking of my next blog topic though, which is great, so I have been jotting down ideas, sentences and just words every chance I got. Today I am freelancing with my writing which works better for me as my thoughts come fast and furious.

I have been imagining myself (more so recently) reinvented, but I did not know what it meant. I had no idea what is was meant to look like either, but I kept getting visuals of me being a different version of myself, almost like I was kinda floaty and free, not sure I can even explain this properly, but, was it the new year new me nonsense? Which by the way, I do not partake in, or was it just a switch within me that went off??!! I did some googling of course (as we all do now, lol) and saw different ideas and steps to changing your behavior so that people can “view” you differently blah blah blah, and I was like, na because this wasn’t about other people it was about a yearning within me to become a different me, but, for me! I felt like I needed more pampering, to allow my soul to breathe, to inhale and exhale without interruption from my brain running at 90 miles per hour. I felt I wanted to be more glamorous(notice I said more as I have been told I am super glam), I wanted to wear more flowy clothing so I could twirl, I wanted my alter-ego to come out in full force, but who the hell is my alter ego and does she/he have a name? Please who am I fooling I know its gender and she is a badass ass kicker, hahaha I am laughing now because it seems almost crazy, but I am having so much fun.

Alright back to this alter ego thing, I was thinking maybe that is where this whole #beinglisalove came from, maybe my alter ego is writing this and playing tricks on me, making me think it’s Lisa and its not, whoa.. ok I am done with her for now until I know for sure, but I did have discussions with a couple friends about reinventing myself and what they thought, as I was thinking more along the lines of aesthetics, like maybe changing my hairstyle, or a wardrobe change, one of my dearest friends told me that I have already evolved over the years’ and that I should allow my moods to guide me. (apparently I am moody)I had reservations about this suggestion and analysis, but as the day progressed I realized it is what I have been doing all this time, being guided by my moods, which in a way is like my additional compass on top of my ‘woman’s intuition’, so how blessed am I to have two guiding mechanisms both working in sync.

It made me think back to when others have commented saying how brave I was for doing certain things which for me by the way felt natural and like no big deal, for example moving to London over 15 years’ ago with no family here that was just my mood and intuition at the time, oh wow I am having a eureka moment while I write these words, like right now, I need a moment or two please________ This is what it has been all this time, so my reinventing was happening all along just disguised as growth, success, happiness, being healthy and more! This is huge, it’s only taught me that there is no need for tangible reinvention because it’s like an application which runs in the background, we know it’s there doing the work, but we don’t see it. I like that, we should just be content with ourselves as we are indeed, don’t make the mistake and change for others as this won’t last, if you feel as if you want to make a change, first figure out why you feel that way, that should lead you to what benefits will you gain by making the change, and then see where it takes you, have fun, try not to be too strict with whatever process you use to get a solution, allow whatever you decide to be in alignment with who you really are, and believe me we know who we are, in those quiet moments we are on our own the thoughts we have with ourselves teaches us who that person is, alter ego or not. I feel like my soul is at ease now actually, and again I realized this was just a mood or as we say in the Caribbean, #issamood.

Do any of you feel as if you identified with this post? If so in what way? What has been your built in survival tool?   Please leave a comment, any questions or, even words of encouragement if you would like to, I am waiting to hear from you, thank you.